Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Day In The Life Of A Dog.

Were at the dog park.
My dog is socializing with the other dogs.
He sees a large crowd gathering, and because he gets his nosiness from me, he scrambles over there to see what is going on.
Because he displays many of my good qualities, he knows when and where there is good food to be served.

Theres about 4 or 5 little dogs his size and a little bigger (he's 5 lb's.), crowding around this lady, they are watching her reach into her FANNY PACK full of dog treats.
"Oooh who wants a treat!? Who wants a treat!?" She squeals. "We have to sit if we want a treat!" More squeals.
She tells a couple of the dogs to sit, they do, she gives them the treat and says "good boy."
My dog has been waiting, waaaaiting for his turn to have a treat. He is looking at the lady with intense anxiousness.

He is tiny and does that cute little thing where he stands up on his back legs with his paws out in the air, you know, looks like a squirrel. If you hold food out, he'll do almost do a 360 standing on his back legs. Its cute.
He does this a couple times as the lady passes out another treat to another dog.
He barks. He's getting impatient.
Its his turn finally.
At this point, my boyfriend and I pretty much know what is coming, and all we can do is watch and wait.

The lady says to MY dog, "Oooh would you like a treat? You have to sit for a treat, sit!"
He barks at her. Loud. And jumps around.
"Noooo, sit!" She says it with more force. To MY dog.
BF and I just look at each other and exchange awkward half smiles.
Ready for the killer: "No sit, no treat, no treat for you!"
Says the lady, to MY dog.

Now there is my dog. Now, he's the only one out of the few that did not receive a doggy treat. He sniffs around looking, and gives one last little bark as the lady walks away and zips up her stupid fanny pack.
At this point, BF and I are shocked, and sad, super sad.
I call my dogs name, pick him up and we exit the park.

Our conversation was a mixture of: "Oh my godd I am so sad for him right now he really thought he was getting a treat/I cant believe she said that/He never sits even for us/Poor baby."
"No sit no treat. "
We couldn't believe she had told him that.
He doesn't have to sit to have a treat, take that.
And why would he want to sit for you anyways lady?
Your wearing a fanny pack.
Please. My dog knows better than that.
He sports lime green and pink shirts and could show you a thing or two about fashion.
Cuter than you ever had a chance to be, he is.

He does sit though, and you may have to say the command and his name about 6 times, each time raise your voice, and then if you get lucky he'll sit for 2.5 seconds. But he does do it.
And that is good enough for me. But apparently not good enough for Leader of The Pack Lady Fanny Pack Dog Whisperer.

We felt so incredibly bad for our pup though, you can tell when hes sad its all over his face and in his eyes. Can I compare my situation to that of a Mom watching everyone but her child get a fluffy yellow cupcake with pink frosting and sprinkles? Good, because that's exactly what it felt like. What explanation do you give when they ask "Mom why didn't I get one?"
Ummmm. Because that lady is a youknowwhat who wears a fanny pack full of dog biscuits and spends 5 hours at a dog park entertaining all dogs who enter. But only if they have manners that the Dog Whisperer himself would approve of.

I approve of his manners the majority of the time and I'm pretty definitely sure that's all that matters.
As we walked to the car we asked each other what do we do? We didn't have any dog biscuits on us, nope we were completely dry of dog treats. So we jumped the lady, pushed her down and stole the fanny pack of goods. Just kidding.
We didn't know what to do but all I knew was my baby is not going to be the only one without a cupcake. The only edible thing we had in the car, was a ketchup packet from a fast food place. I know I know but I had to give him something.
After a small debate about tomato product being worse or just as bad as giving a dog chocolate, I tore open the packet, pushed out barely any ketchup, it was really like the size of a pinhead, let him lick it and then threw out the packet. (Sorry Mother Nature it was a rough day though) He kept licking the roof of his mouth, looking for more possibly. The sad eyes were gone though I called him a good boy,and my boyfriend and I drove home in success.
We didn't need her stupid dog biscuits anyways!

I'm happy if he's happy.
And nobody can tell me what to do.
Or my dog.
We will sit when we want
We will eat when we want.
And that is that.


Michelle@DomesticationoftheSingleGirl said...

Uh, hello cutest post ever.

They are DOGGIES.

Does she really think that she made some kind of mark in the world of doggie disobedience by with-holding a treat from her (ew!) fanny pack?

What kind of patience does she expect from a doggie? She took too long, plain and simple. And your doggie read her for what she was and knew that beeyotch was gonna pull something shady, that's why he started yapping.

He doesn't have to live up to HER expectations. Who does she think she is? Just some creep wearing a fanny pack. You've already stated that your dog is a good boy. And that is that.

I'm giggling about the ketchup packet.

That hag needs to know her place. I have cookies, but she sounds like a bad dresser, sooo...

Gina said...

That bitch. I hate her and her stupid fanny pack.