Thursday, March 11, 2010

Goodnight Finally

I just wanted to say thank you ladies so so much for taking the time to leave a comment & advise me, it means so much! This is something I havent discussed with anyone besides BF so being able to throw out my ideas and get feedback is extremely helpful. You all had such wise things to say, thank you again times 5! K so Tiffany commented and said something that kind of scared me but its so true: what if something happens? I've seen too many scary/suspense movies(Taken!). What if the flight got really delayed? I got sick? Lost?! Sam & Courtney & Ivy, I agree with all of them when they say lying makes things worse. I told BF that when we first started dating, a lie just seems harder to forgive because its like you could have told the truth you know?
I started thinking of how bad I suck at lying while reading Courtney's comment, she said "especially when she starts asking about your time at the park", that got me thinking, I could slip up, she could see a picture, it would be all bad if she found out. And you know how when your parent looks at you and just knows your lying?! That's me. She is psychic and my dimples give it away. I loved hearing that you think she'll understand, I just wish I knew it was true. My Mom is where I get my stubbornness/difficult-ness from so telling her I want her to go next time not this time, is not going to be fun. This is what she'll think: I don't like her, I don't want her to be a part of me finding a new place. Soooo hopefully like Elizabeth was saying I can explain its not that I don't want her to be a part of it, its just I wanna do this first trip on my own. Wish me luck I'll keep you posted!
I want to fly out to Louisiana to visit and see a school.
With my boyfriend.
But my Mom wants to come.
She wants to be helpful.
I don't want to be rude.
I want it to be two,
Not three.
I'm sure I'll visit more than once,
So she could go the next time?
This time,
Just me and boyfriend.
Exploring a new city.
A new state.
Testing out the waters for a home,
I feel like it should be me and him.
Here's the thing.
I cant tell her that.
I cant.
I hate to be thought of or considered a liar,
I feel like I have to.
How bad/not bad is it if I tell Mom,
I'm going to spend two days at an *amusement park*?
I know its a lie.
But I'd be lying if I said I've never lied...
As bad as it sounds, I think its better that way...
With a lie.
She'll think were out riding rides, staying the night in a hotel.
Not 5 states away.
Her feelings wont be hurt.
I could say were visiting BF's family, 2 states away.
But then I got to thinking, the *amusement park* thing is less shady.
We have season passes, so us going wouldn't seem to be too out there/random.
You know?
Hiding pictures and plane tickets.
Not telling the truth,
because its easier than fighting about ithurting her feelings.
She is not the type that would understand.
She would be mad/sad, it'd be a mess if I told her she cant go.
I want to go explore with BF only.
Is that selfish? Does it matter?
Any thoughts?
I have a million of them:
Would she ever find out?
Is this really that bad?
BF & I would have so much fun exploring a city...
We'll have to have a first date there somewhere...
I'll have to call her and check in though...
Will she be able to tell?
Would I even get cell service?
Oh gosh.
Am I horrible?
Is it horrible I cant tell her I want to go solo?

I feel like a mess. My brain is going to explode. Seriously it feels that way. I have so many things to be thinking about and right now I cant stop thinking of this ordeal. I don't know what to do, I'm worried about figuring out the best thing to do. I feel like I should just go, not tell her, and everything will be fine. But ugh. Who knows. I do know I so should be sleeping. Right? But my brain hasnt turned off. Ugh. Well if you have any words or thoughts on this...I'm all ears but take it easy on me I'm sensitive Sally.


Confessions From A Working Mom said...

If you invited her-- even so much as a "yeah, it'd be fun if you came" comment-- then you might be stuck. But if she invited herself, then I'd just be honest and tell her this is a trip for two, but that you'd like to plan something just with her another time. I think she'd understand!

Confessions From A Working Mom

Ivy said...

You say she will be hurt if you tell her she can't go, I promise she will be much more hurt if you lie and she found out. Plus you dont want to carry that guilt around, do you? You want to enjoy the weekend and not be living a lie:) My mom was VERY strict and I have told many lies but now that Im a little older, I see why she was always so worried. Tell her the truth and that you two want to go by yourself...hopefully she will understand. Good luck....let us know what you decide to do!

Courtney said...

If you lie to her and she finds out she'll be a lot more hurt. Plus, if you tell her now she'll be hurt for a second, but I bet she'll understand, or at least deal with it. Parents are a lot more resilient than we like to think. Just tell her it's not that you don't want her to come, you just don't want her to come *this time* - it's hard for them to admit we're growing up and doing things on our own - you have to start her out sometime with this, and a weekend at LSU seems like a good opportunity to me! :) Tell her that you two are going to go check it out and that maybe on your second look around she can come and you can get a second opinion then.

I don't think you should lie to her, one lie turns into hundreds more (especially when she starts asking about your time at the park). You can really get lost in them - take it from someone who was dating someone I shouldn't have been - I had to pretend I wasn't in a relationship for a few years. I wish I had realized then how BAD it was to live such a lie - and how badly it would all turn out.

I've learned one thing: only lie when it's of utmost important and life can't go on (and I mean *can't go on* not *life would be more comfortable/easy for me if i lie*).

Tiffany said...

ok so i've had this issue so many times in my life. i've done both...i've not told and gone and i've told fought it out and gone. here is what i will tell you....they always find out. it may be 2 days later or 5 years later but they find out and it hurts their feelings. my other thing is...what if something happened? if someone go hurt or sick and then u had to tell...that wouldn't be good. i would advise u to discuss/fight it out. make sure u have truly thought out what u are goin to say and have points on why u want to go alone before u start the discussion....GOOD LUCK!

Sam said...

Ick, that's a tough situation. Speaking from experience, I was lied to and found out, and that was a lot worse than it would have been to be told the truth upfront.

I'm sure she'll understand if you tell her the truth. Even if she doesn't at the time, she's a big girl, I'm sure she'll get over it. Being lied to on the other hand, might take a bit longer, because, I agree with Courtney, one lie only leads to several more, ya know?

Good luck!

Trish said...

Hey sweets, found you via Nola Girl, and I just wanted to add my two cents, for whatever it's worth.

I can TOTALLY empathize with your situation and wanting to explore something new with your BF. Especially college! Far away, new state, new atmosphere. Been there!

Now, I am a new follower to your blog, so I am not sure how close you are with your mom, but honestly - lies only lead to more lies, and it is always best to just tell the truth (again, this comes from life experience. I wish someone had told me sooner!)

Now, I'm not a mom yet, but can identify with the sentiment. Remember, if you and your Mom make a trip to Baton Rouge for a quick weekend, it would more than likely mean THE WORLD to her to have the one-on-one time with you. And if you end up @ LSU, you and your BF will have plenty of opportunities to explore ane enjoy!

Hope you are happy regardless XO From one Louisiana gal to *potentially* a new one!